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Dealing with Difficult People: 27 Tips
Written by Colleen Kettenhofen

Colleen Kettenhofen is a Phoenix, Arizona-based international speaker, workplace expert, coach and author on presentation skills, public speaking, dealing with difficult people, motivation,  success, leadership development, life balance. For more articles, or to subscribe to her FREE newsletter, see her FREE articles page at www.ColleenSpeaks.com

“No one can get your goat if they don’t know where it’s tied up.”
Zig Ziglar
 

1. Listen better. Listening is the #1 tool in communication.

2. Step back and analyze the situation from an outside perspective. Often when we are less emotionally involved and “cool our jets” the answers come for how to effectively deal with difficult people.

3. Ignoring often doesn’t work. The tension becomes so thick you can cut it with a knife.

4. Choose your battles. There are times when you have to let it go. Know when to speak up and when to pick your battles with difficult people.

5. Criticize in person, praise in public. Never publicly criticize someone as you will look like the bad guy and the difficult person will only become more upset.

6. Maintain respect for them – even if you disagree or dislike them. Think about how you would want to be treated.

7. Seek first to understand, then to be understood - especially with difficult people.

8. People often won’t care what you think unless they know you care. At least attempt to see it from their perspective.

9. Maintain high expectations and standards if they are your employee. If you don’t do this you will be seen as enabling their unacceptable behavior.

10. Strive for greater communication. Often it’s not that there isn’t enough communication, it’s that it’s bad communication. So work on improving your conflict resolution skills. If you are in a managerial role, consider training everyone in conflict resolution. One of the main reasons teams fail is because some of the people on the team don’t like each other.

11. Invest in communication and conflict resolution skills courses to improve the part you can control – you.

12. Don’t lose emotional control. Antagonists, “Passive-Aggressives,” and other difficult people will often try to push your buttons.

13. Avoid being around them when they’re in a bad mood. If these difficult people are always in a bad mood, try being around them when they are in a “better” mood.

14. Accept, change or reject. Know that ultimately you only have 3 choices. Accept the situation knowing it won’t change. Or, attempt to change your relationship with them by changing how you react. Or, if it’s really affecting your well being, it may be time to “reject” the situation or move on.

15. No “but’s” allowed! Don’t follow giving difficult people positive reinforcement with, “But on the other hand…” The word “but” only negates everything good you just said. And remember, “Anything before ‘but’ is B.S!”

16. In dealing with difficult people, non-verbally position yourself at their eye level. For example, if they are sitting when you talk with them, sit. If they are standing, stand. Converse at their level.

17. Avoid the word “need” when possible and use “want” instead. Saying politely and tactfully, “John, I want to have the project in to me by noon so that we’ll meet our deadline. “Want” is more assertive as long as it’s in the right tone.

18. Watch your tone of voice. Avoid an autocratic or sarcastic tone. The Latin root of the word “sarcasm” is “sarco” meaning tearing of the flesh!

19. In face-to-face communication, words account for only 7% of what people notice and believe about you. Tonality is 38% and body language 55%. So a full 93% is tone and body language!

20. When dealing with difficult people, give sincere positive reinforcement when they do something well. Show genuine appreciation. Often difficult people are difficult because they feel unappreciated.

21. Avoid absolutes such as, “You always” and “You never,” with difficult people. It puts them further on the defensive.

22. Don’t take it personally. Difficult people are sometimes difficult because of something going on with them.

23. Watch your mental state. Don’t let them drag you down. A little of that can be normal but don’t allow it to go on.

24. Remember the person who constantly angers you, or constantly intimidates you controls you.

25. Mutually agree to move on. Agree to disagree. If this isn’t possible, at least move on in your own mind.

26. Really attempt to understand what’s driving that difficult behavior. Get at the root cause, even if you only try to figure it out in your own mind.

27. Remember the formula E + R = 0. Event + Reaction = Outcome. You can’t control the event , but you can control the outcome based on how you react or respond. Just be careful how you respond.

You are free to reprint or repost this article provided Colleen Kettenhofen's contact information (name, website, and email) is included with the article. Colleen Kettenhofen is a keynote speaker, workplace expert, & co-author of "The Masters of Success ," as featured on NBC's Today Show, along with Ken Blanchard and Jack Canfield. For free articles, e-newsletter, or to order the book visit http://www.ColleenSpeaks.com Topics: leadership, life balance, success, difficult people, public speaking. Colleen is available for keynotes, breakout sessions and seminars.

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